'Black Dog Break' - Agorophobia Diary
In my abscence which some may or may not have noticed I've been tucked away for the week in my rather comfortable futon/bed with 'The Black Dog' or rather 'The White Cat' while depression (The Black Dog) seems to be on the decline for the first time in over a year - thanks to the miracle medicatioin that is Zispin, anxiety (The White Cat) has now reached an all time high. Panic Attacks have reached fever pitch and no amount of 'guided meditation' has made a blind bit of difference. Agorophobia is the order of the day and you'd think being trapped in the house would be a good thing for a writer? It would appear not so, manical anxiety left me in a panic unable to concentrate and I find myself asking that oh so annoying question - How did my life turn out like this?? So what followed was a trip to the GP where I sat in the waiting room sweating at the thought of being surrounded by Swine Flu infected zombies twisting my palms like a reject from a Stacey Slater audition for Eastenders. Once I got in there and started talking to the DR of course I didnt know what to say but she's a fabulous woman and has 'referred' me to an Anxiety Management Centre - YAY! There's something to look forward to, the point being knowing the state of the HSE (Ireland's incredibly poor excuse for health care system) I'll no doubt be waiting months for an appointment. Leaving me with no choice but to just accept the ridiculous situation that I've found myself in, thus I am now the proud owner of TWO blogs, A Bebo page, A facebook page, A Twitter (my fave) and a TV feed (more on that later!)I've barricaded myself into the house and unless the doctor spoon feeds me Xanax or some miracle worker of a psych nurse cures me barricaded I shall remain! On the upside Ive been doing some sleep hypnotherapy with a video that I found Youtube and it's worked a treat, I'll post info about the guy that does the videos for you guys later in case you want to have a crack at it.
I havent had a panic attack for three days now which is this first break I've had in about two months you never know perhaps this blog will be the diary of my freedom from the Panic Stricken nightmare that is my life - maybe this extended period 'down time' is the perfect opportunity to get some work done. After all I have decided on embark on a life of self employment I don't think I can tolerate working for any more potato faced farts in some stuffy office - the last office I worked in was an NTL Call Centre and I literally almost threw myself out the fucking window with depression after being screamed at by ingnorant wankers incessantly for eight hours. It'll all be great if I could just stay calm and concentrate long enough to get my businesses off the ground!
So back to the agorophobia - the next trip into the outside world will be taking place this tuesday which I am already in knots over - as long as no 'IDIOTS!' decide to stand in front of me and hold up the show things will be ok! I fear that I might completely lose the run of myself and have a meltdown in front of the whole town (wouldn't it be lovely to give them all something to talk about) and start screaming like a crazed banshee or an escaped mental patient. I'll keep you updated, maybe I'll ever make a video of it. Watch this space.
If there are anyother Agorophobes out there who wanna chat please contact me!! I wanna hear you!
